Got Frenemies?

As women, we are no strangers to the shadiness that makes up 3/4 of the female population. Not that men aren’t shady because we all know dudes will turn on their friends faster than then you can say 2K15…but they could never hold a candle to the immense under handed shade that goes on between us women. If you have ever seen Mean Girls it gives you a good idea of what it’s like to live in “Girl World”. We are so talented that we can insult you, your momma, and several ancestors and will walk away like…

And you will have no idea she just came for your entire Family tree. That my friends is what this post is about…Our “frenemies” and their many characteristics. So without further ado let’s jump right in…

Side Ways Sally

Sally is the friend that hits you with the side ways compliments…which is a compliment and diss at the same daggone time! Yeap, it’s a thing. She is the sour patch kid of the group and is so gifted that you may not even realize she has been calling you a bald headed scallywag since the third grade. The cool thing about Sally is she has no allegiance. She is an equal opportunist and insults everyone the same. She will say things like “It’s about time you did something to your hair. It looks really good today.”…and midway through your giddy “Thank y-” you realize she just told you your hair ain’t never prospered and you should start doing better on a regular basis. Shawty is amazing at what she does…so much that she can even sneak diss ya momma and leave both of y’all speechless like “Wow, that is a really nice dress Mrs. Jones. I wish I was brave enough to wear white after Labor day. Good for you!” Hol’ up!! Did she just…?…That darn Sally! But Sally really isn’t the worst of the bunch. She is just all for herself and is not afraid to let anyone know it.

Messy Margaret

Margaret is the friend that stays in the midst of conflict. She lives for drama and is slick the most annoying of the bunch. Have you ever met a girl that conveniently knows everyone’s business and “accidentally” shares info that was supposed to be kept secret? Yeap, that’s ole Messy Marge! She is amazing at making things look like a mistake and will have you convinced that “It slipped”! Bye, Felicia…you are everything but slick! The most bothersome thing about her is that she is usually the scary one of the group and when ish hits the fan she dips out like Usain Bolt, wearing a jet pack. She is probably subtweeting you right now and pretending it’s about someone else. Riddle me this: How do you have a PhD in conflict but you’re afraid of it???! Does that make sense to y’all? Nah? Me neither. But nevertheless she will always be there to air out everyone’s dirty laundry on the low like…

Back-Stabbing Betty

Betty is the most common frenemy around. Whether you know it or not she has been in your circle more than once. Betty is normally that friend that calls you up and talks bad about Sally and Margaret…then she gets off the phone, has a tall glass of haterade, and calls one of them to gossip about you. Crazy thing about Betty is she actually thinks she is a good friend (most of the time)…her back stabbing stems from her low self esteem and the fact that she will never have nice things because she can’t be trusted. She is normally the most envious of the bunch and wears her insecurities on her sleeve. I used to be cool with a Betty but after I peeped game I told her unfortunate behind to…

SWERVEEEE!

Fickle Fran

Have you ever dealt with a person that only calls or comes around when they need you? Fran is her name and flip flopping is her game. She is not necessarily a frenemy but a bad friend just the same. She is the one who doesn’t answer calls, don’t return texts, and won’t show up unless it’s fitting to her. She looks out for numero uno. ALL THE TIME…and has no remorse about it because she can’t see past herself long enough to realize she is the queen of self love. Fran actually has good intentions…her intentions, however, never turn into action. But know this, if Franny is having man trouble or in need of an ear to listen she will be on your line in a heartbeat. But look on the bright side…she is too focused on herself to even have the time to back stab you. Never-the-less she is not a real friend and needs to be dismissed with a smile and a pair of dueces…

PEACE!

Home-wrecking Hannah

Hannah is the reason why some of my readers are on probation w/ an assault charge, right now. Whether she is your friend or your mans friend Hannah is a royal beat down waiting to happen.

This girl has two categories. The first category is your friend who has been silently coveting your man. She is a wolf in sheeps clothing and completely out to get hers (or yours…whatever…you know what I’m trying to say). She will ask about how the relationship is going and give advice here and there…but don’t be fooled! She fully intends to wait on the sidelines for your relationship to die off…so she can be the vulture to swoop and devour the left overs, formerly known as bae. The second category is made up of HIS shysty female friend. She was more than likely friends w/ him before you all became a thing and has been sitting courtside in his life, waiting for him to summon her from the “friend zone” bench she was sat on…(which clearly never happened) but she is hellbent on wiggling her way between y’all. She is caddy and will use every trick in her sneaky arsenal to get him to open his eyes to her. MA’AM, this is not “Love and Basketball” or “Brown Sugar” and you are ~~NOT~~ Sanaa Lathan. LET IT GO! The kicker with this one is that it is YOUR mans responsibility to put home girl on a leash. Not yours…because unfortunately she will never admit her motive and it will make you look jealous and insecure (yeap…stupid…I know). But if you’re in a situation where bae refuses to check her then that is a bigger problem in and of itself. But don’t fret and don’t let Hannah bother you. Just sit back on your throne, laugh, and remember who got the juice like…

Welp…that’s all of them for now. If reading this has helped you to realize that you have some squares in your circle ~~CUT~~ your losses and move on. A friend should be

1. Compassionate

2. Dependable

3. Genuine

4. Trustworthy

5. Supportive

6. Caring

…and if they don’t their presence is in no way benefitting you. You do not have to end on bad terms or even tell them that you are distancing yourself (especially if you have told them what bothers you many times before). Just move forward and wait for God to usher the right people into your life.

Thanks for reading 🙂

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